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Being a gay man approaching 50, I’ve spent many, largely pleasurable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I had a serious relationship that lasted four years, but it never fully satisfied me, because I didn't experience love or sexually nourished. Truthfully, I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I begin to date a potential partner, when the initial excitement dwindles, I always get the urge to have sex with new partners once more.

Reflecting on the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment

I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to maintain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that numerous homosexual males engage in open relationships, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed demanding, frequently resulting in significant pain and jealousy for everyone involved. In many ways, I desire a partner to love me while allowing me to remain sexually free, however I dread to imagine the psychological toll this might create. Is it best to keep having casual sex and acknowledge that a long-term relationship is not possible? I feel somewhat confused.

Every person’s intimate path varies. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to handle different types of intimate connections as fixed. Your needs as you are experiencing them now could easily shift down the road; eventually you may find yourself more decisive and find some clarity and a suitable route … or not. At some point you might meet someone offering a life-changing chance to you through mirroring your desires completely … and later on you might decide that non-committal encounters suit you best. Fretting over what lies ahead and engaging in the “What if?” game is simply rooted in fear and squandering of your efforts. Try to be present in your relationships, and see the worth of every individual with whom you might have a sexual connection. If and when you are ever ready to strengthen true intimacy with one partner, you will know.

• The psychotherapist is a American therapy professional focusing on addressing sexual disorders.