These Advice shared by A Dad That Helped Us as a New Dad

"I think I was simply trying to survive for a year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

However the truth quickly proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health complications during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her chief support while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, each diaper… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that led him to understand he required support.

The simple statement "You're not in a good spot. You need some help. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mums and about PND, not enough is spoken about the struggles dads face.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a wider inability to communicate among men, who still internalise negative notions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time."

"It's not a show of failure to seek help. I failed to do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a respite - taking a few days overseas, outside of the home environment, to gain perspective.

He realised he had to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotional states alongside the logistical chores of caring for a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That insight has transformed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and interpret his parenting choices.

The concept of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have reliable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, profound emotional pain caused his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "terrible choices" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as a way out from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he explains. "They might briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Advice for Managing as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you feel overwhelmed, confide in a friend, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. It could be playing sport, seeing friends or gaming.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, getting some exercise and when you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mind is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising you is the best way you can look after your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead offer the safety and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the emotions safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their pain, altered how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I believe my role is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering as much as you are through this experience."